


The lonely night

by AceLucky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bruce Banner/Loki implied, City Lights, Depression, Drunk Bruce, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know what this is either, Kissing, M/M, breakdowns, red wine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 17:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17853965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLucky/pseuds/AceLucky
Summary: Natasha confronts a drunk Bruce, who is having a hard time coping with his position in the universe and the things he's seen. Afraid he will hurt her, he implores her to leave so he can think in peace. As he's drifting off to sleep, there's a knock at the door from an unlikely saviour.





	The lonely night

“I don’t want to do this anymore!” Bruce screamed and threw the empty bottle against the wall, it shattered into hundreds of tiny shards.

For a moment it was as if he could see each one, representing fragments of his life that had gone wrong, a puzzle that could no longer be fixed. For a moment, it was beautiful, like snow in January, before the rain, before everything melts away into nothing.

“Bruce, please,” Natasha begged, tears stinging her eyes, afraid for a man she had nothing but love and respect for.

Bruce looked up, his shirt ripped, bruises on his knuckles which had been worn through. His eyes were heavy and dark, he was crying and clasped his hands together as if in prayer. He slumped to the ground in a heap. 

Natasha just watched, unsure of what to say, or whether there was anything she could do to help him in such a hopeless moment. She’d never seen Bruce like this before, sure, she’d been him nervous, seen him sad, but usually he was level-headed and calmer. It made her afraid, afraid that there was something she had missed previously, that he was like this a lot more behind closed doors, but never admitted it to anyone. Then, she supposed he had always been a bit of a loner. 

She sighed and walked towards him, afraid to touch him and that it could be the contact that breaks him. 

“Natasha, I need you to leave, I am…” He sniffed and pulled himself to his feet. “I am so, so sorry, I can’t have you seeing me like this, I don’t want to hurt you,” he begged as he shuffled towards her, barely able to stand.

Natasha bit her lip and stood firm, “You never could, you silly old bear,” she started to cry but tried to hold back the tears.

“Look,” as Bruce got closer to her he held out a hand, “Look at me, I am nothing, nothing compared to the man I once was.”

Natasha stepped forward and choked out, “No, you’re more Bruce, you’re more and I,” she broke down as she walked into his arms, rested her head on his chest, “You’re the only one, the only one I could ever allow to see me like this.”

“I know my dove, but I need you to leave, please,” Bruce didn’t put his arms around her, he left them, cold, by his side. 

“Why are you doing this? Isolating yourself, is this what becomes of us? I thought you were stronger than Tony,” she said as she stepped back.

Bruce laughed, “Sorry to disappoint.”

Natasha wiped the moisture from under her eyes, “That isn’t what I meant, and I shouldn’t have said that about Tony either but,” she sighed exasperated, scared that anything she said would make the situation worse, “Maybe it would help if you spoke to him?”

Bruce smiled, briefly and shook his head, “Some people are too lost Natasha, long gone into the fog, out of the blue and into the black as Neil Young says.” He clasped his hands together then unclasped them as quickly and held his hands up to the sky.

“The things I have seen, if most humans had seen… They would never sleep again and yet that’s all I want, all I dream of.”

“This isn’t you…”

The words hit hard, yes, this wasn’t him, he knew that but then who was he? He spent most of his life as Bruce Banner but then as The Hulk… he was a man, an avenger, he had travelled across time and space, come face to face with Gods and now he was so tired, sleep was all he wanted. Or to have time out, to watch the night’s sky go by without a care in the world. Childhood wasn’t even a distant memory, it was a concept that no longer existed in his mind. 

“Bruce, please…don’t let it be like this,” Natasha felt herself choking on her words as she spoke. 

“Natasha… I know, I know okay, I know, I just need to be alone for a bit.”

“But, I’m afraid,” she confessed, her voice now a little raised. 

“I’ll be okay,” Lying was easy to Bruce now. 

Natasha sighed, she knew she wasn’t going to win him round tonight. Defeated she went to hug him goodbye, “Promise me two things, firstly, you’ll speak to Tony, please… Secondly, text me before you go to sleep.”

He nodded and kissed her forehead, “You know I’m only sending you away to protect you right?”

“I know, but what if I don’t need protection?” She smiled fondly at him and turned to leave. It was hard to walk away from him, hard to close the door and shut him off, but if Natasha had learnt anything in recent years, there are some fights you are never going to win. 

When Natasha was gone, Bruce felt like he could breathe, the alcohol was still surging through his veins. He had so much energy that he didn’t know how The Hulk hadn’t made an appearance. 

He paced around his apartment, clenching and unclenching his fists, eventually he resigned himself to try and sleep and collapsed onto the sofa.

Bruce started to drift off to sleep, he laid off the booze just as Natasha had instructed, he knew she was right, it’s not that he wanted to die, no one wants to die, not really. But people, they want to escape pain and suffering, they want to live for just one moment free of the horrors of mankind, of loneliness of ones existential terror.

He had decided it was best to sleep on the sofa, the blinds were wide open so he could stare at the moon as he drifted in and out of consciousness. It was a full moon, so perfect and bright, he pictured the rabbit on the moon, he pictured the rabbits in watership down chasing one another, a blood red sunset, fields of wheat, the smell of grass in summer.

Just as he beginning to find peace he heard a knock at the door. 

“Go away!” He shouted.

“That’s not like you at all Bruce.”

His eyes opened wide as he recognised the sarcastic tone coming from the other side of his door, “Loki?” He asked.

“The very same.”

Bruce got off the sofa and marched towards the front door, he didn’t open it at first, he looked through the peep hole and saw the trickster god stood the other side, wearing a suit. 

He sighed and opened the door, “How can I help you at this late hour?”

“I think it’s more what I can do to help you, don’t you?” He raised an eyebrow as he walked in. 

“You look like the child snatcher from Pinocchio, or the singer in an aged goth band,” Bruce closed the door and rest against it for a moment, cursing both himself and Loki.

Loki laughed, “Well what would you have had me come here in, full horns? Or maybe you like that? I could have also come in my true form, frost giant and all that, but not sure how your neighbours would feel about a member of the blue man group walking around now do you?”

Bruce wanted to ask how Loki knew who Blue Man Group were, but he was too tired. 

“I understand you’re going through a bit of a rough patch…” 

“A bit…that’s an understatement.”

“Ahhh forgive me, but you see I think I can help.”

Loki started to go through the cupboard in his kitchen, “Do you have any red wine?”

“Oh sure, help yourself.” Bruce rolled his eyes.

Loki started to pour a glass then looked at Bruce, “For you?”

“I’m already fucked so why not.”

Loki entered the lounge with two glasses of wine, Bruce had turned a lamp on in the corner of the room so they weren’t sat in total darkness. Loki sat down next to Bruce and handed him the glass which was nearly full to the brim with an over-generous helping of wine. 

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I can help you. You might not believe it, but I too have been where you are.”

“What living in an apartment in downtown New York.”

A smile spread across Loki’s face, “Are you always this sarcastic? I expected this level of childish display from Tony but not from you.”

Bruce sighed, “I’m tired okay? What do you want from me Loki? To sit here and listen to you, to break down and cry in front of you?”

Loki put his arm around Bruce, “I want to help you, I want to ensure you have a good night’s sleep and that in the morning you will go and talk to the others, help them to help you.”

Bruce removed Loki’s arm and shook his head, “Right, it’s just none of this sounds like you.” He got to his feet and walked over to the window, gazing out across the city lights.

“Oh, you think I’ve got something up my sleeve?”

“You are the trickster God are you not?”

Loki gave a laugh, “Well observed my friend, yes, but… If you must know, I rather owe Thor and I figure what a nice way to repay him for what he’s done for me recently, looking out for his friend. And because, believe it or not, I am trying to become a better person.”

Bruce scoffed.

Loki followed him to the window, “Laugh all you want Bruce, it’s true, I have been shunned most of my life, perhaps now I am older, wiser, I wanted to know what it would be like to be accepted, included in the lives of others.”

Bruce turned to face Loki, “Okay, let’s say I buy this good-guy act from you and believe that you truly want to help me. What can you offer that Natasha couldn’t?”

Loki paused for a moment and cast his eyes out on the night sky, admiring the city lights and the beauty that was contained in something man-made. Despite their appetite for destruction, the human race really could be delightful at times, he mused. 

Loki shrugged, “Maybe nothing, but maybe what you need is to talk to someone who isn’t a part of your inner circle, gain a different persective and to stop feeling so sorry for yourself.”

Bruce gave a mirthless laugh, “Great, that’s cheered me up, sure I’ll stop feeling sorry for myself and whilst I’m at it I’ll just stop worrying, be happy, it’s oh so easy.”

Loki chuckled quietly to himself, “If only sober you could hear yourself now! I don’t mean it will be easy, life is not that simple… Most of life is a grey area, I just mean that this isn’t like you. Whilst self-pity can be okay for a time, it is important not to let it consume you, to drown in it, or you’ll start believing your own lies about yourself.”

Bruce took a long sip of wine and ran his hand through his hair, “I just…” he felt embarrassed by the confession that was about to spill from his lips, “I just, I don’t know how to, I don’t know how to move on. I tried writing everything down, but it was so chaotic that it just didn’t help, if anything it made me feel worse.”

Loki looked across to Bruce, he felt something in him that was rare, he truly felt sorry for Bruce and wanted to help. The other looked so helpless, so depressed and ruined, he reached out again and placed a hand on Bruce’s shoulder, this time Bruce didn’t pull away.

“Right now, you need sleep, that’s all there is to it, a nice long sleep in a comfy bed.”

Bruce nodded, he knew that things always looked better in the morning.

“I’ll stay here tonight, I would say I’d make you a nice breakfast, but we both know that won’t happen. But I’ll order us something, some orange juice, some good coffee… and then we’ll talk, we’ll write everything down, but in a much more organised fashion. We will come up with a plan together and then I’m taking you to see Tony, though forgive me if I don’t hang around.”

Bruce nodded again, all of this sounded logical, he didn’t know whether he had cried so much that there was nothing left in him or whether it was how tired he was or the wine… Or maybe it was Loki almost casting a spell of him, but he suddenly felt a lot calmer, more sure of himself and to his surprise he found himself believing in Loki’s words. 

“Okay, sounds good,” Bruce walked away from the window and placed his glass on a coffee table, “I think that’s enough of that for tonight.”

Loki smiled, “Good, that’s the first step,” he moved towards Bruce and opened his arms up.

Bruce wasn’t sure what possessed him, but in that moment he welcomed the hug, Loki’s arms were surprisingly warm around him. The two of them stood for a minute or so in a tight embrace, Loki gently rubbing Bruce’s back, and Bruce feeling a strange sensation of wanting to melt into his arms.

Loki whispered into Bruce’s ear, “Good boy, all you need is sleep, sweet, sweet sleep and I’ll be right here.”

Loki’s hot breath against Bruce’s ear made his skin tingle and a shiver went up his spine.

“I’ve got you, I promise everything is going to be okay,” Loki continued and placed a kiss to Bruce’s temple as he pulled away.

The kiss was brotherly? Bruce couldn’t quite place his finger on it, brotherly, yes, but, there was something in the way Loki had looked at him, maybe it was the wine talking or the drama of the day but there was a brief moment where he thought there was something more in it.  
“I will never be able to live up to my name, I feel...” Bruce paused and looked away, “The Hulk is such a big part of me, what if I loose myself to him?”  
Loki shook his head, “Shhh that won’t happen, everyone knows that Bruce is the real hero.”  
Bruce smiled at these words of comfort and tried to believe them. 

Loki’s hands were on his shoulders, he was smiling warmly and Bruce realised his hands had dropped so they were sat at Loki’s waist.

The following day, when Bruce would look back on the events of the night before, he would recall what happened next as part of an elaborate dream. It was a hazy memory, something that he couldn’t quite touch. But he was certain it had been real.

Loki leaned in, pressed his lips to Bruce’s and they stood for a moment, lips touching, a slow, tortuous kiss. Loki’s hands in his hair, gently holding him as his tongue slipped into the other’s mouth. The kiss lasted maybe a minute at most, Bruce didn’t pull away, rather he welcomed the moment of comfort and connection with another. Loki took control, guiding Bruce and pulling him in closer to his chest. 

When Loki pulled away he was expressionless for a moment and then a small smile crept onto his face as he stared towards the floor. It was a smile Bruce had seen many times before, a slightly wicked, confused smile. 

“Right then, sleep for you my friend,” Loki patted Bruce on the back as if nothing had happened, and in a way Bruce was grateful. He was too confused to discuss what had happened and decided instead to just take it for what it was, an enjoyable, loving kiss. 

As he walked towards his bedroom he felt a strange calm as if a spell had been cast over him. He had sobered up, he was relaxed, and when he thought of all that had been troubling him earlier he found he was able to process the fears and rationalise. 

Loki tucked him into bed without a word, when he reached the door to the bedroom he turned round as he turned off the light, “Goodnight Bruce.” 

Loki sat alone on the sofa finishing the two glasses of wine, whilst he knew how much Bruce had needed his comfort and that kiss, he finally realised just how much he too had needed to come to the apartment that night.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel the need to apologise for this one...I ADORE Bruce, he's one of my favourite Marvel characters, I started writing this for NaNoWrimo and took it quite seriously but the way it ended, ehh on tumblr maybe i should have tagged it #shitpost Anyway, I still kinda like it, I just couldn't stand having it in my wip anymore. At some point I might pick it up and re-write quite a bit but for now, I hope it was okay!


End file.
